I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
