I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
