drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
