Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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