Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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