please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
