You work out of a Hotel?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
