i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize