Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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