I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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