Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
