I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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