Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
