So drunk its hurt
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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