My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
