And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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