A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
