Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
