I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
