What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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