He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
