well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
