Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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