i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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