I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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