don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
