I must be too annoying 4 u.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
