she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
