Got a toothbrush?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?