I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.