my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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