The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?