He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
What a dumb baby whore.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.