Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If I die, sorry about rent.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize