My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
