Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
