im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
