that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize