Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
