when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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