Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015