I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.