I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner