just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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