i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
