the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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