Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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