you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
