i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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