My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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