I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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