The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
