literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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