The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
