remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
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How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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