google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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