I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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