Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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