I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
