The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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