hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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