I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
