Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
