alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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