I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
