Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
