at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
