Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
