..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
