You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
