oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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