Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
