You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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