Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
