I wish you could order shots online.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
