"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
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i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
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IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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