I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
