Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
