so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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