Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Terrible idea I love it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
