sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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