Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
