Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
