Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
