the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
