I think I died a long time ago.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
